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 Life is a theater… invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life. “If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around.”
Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts. It’s your choice and your life. It’s up to you who and what you let in it.
So I ask the question… who’s in your front row?
 In 1902, as he lay dying at the age of 48, Cecil Rhodes could look back on a not undistinguished career. He had made a vast fortune in gold and diamonds. He had built railroads through the wilderness and become one of the century’s great rulers. He had created an empire, which is more than your average 48-year-old has on his sum. But Rhodes was not going gentle into any good night. On his deathbed he was heard muttering, “So little done, so much to do.” But… what did he mean?? It’s possible he wanted still more money or land or power–maybe he was the one workaholic who really spent his last minutes wishing he’d spent more time at the office. But at that moment most people worry about a different kind of “To Do” list. When Jos Mart named the things that every man ought to do before he dies, the list did not include “Liberate a country.” The hero of Cuban independence named three more important tasks: Plant a tree, write a book, have a son. That’s an excellent start.
In 1902, as he lay dying at the age of 48, Cecil Rhodes could look back on a not undistinguished career. He had made a vast fortune in gold and diamonds. He had built railroads through the wilderness and become one of the century’s great rulers. He had created an empire, which is more than your average 48-year-old has on his sum. But Rhodes was not going gentle into any good night. On his deathbed he was heard muttering, “So little done, so much to do.” But… what did he mean?? It’s possible he wanted still more money or land or power–maybe he was the one workaholic who really spent his last minutes wishing he’d spent more time at the office. But at that moment most people worry about a different kind of “To Do” list. When Jos Mart named the things that every man ought to do before he dies, the list did not include “Liberate a country.” The hero of Cuban independence named three more important tasks: Plant a tree, write a book, have a son. That’s an excellent start.
Everyone should have one of these lists. I have been compiling mine for many years, and this is a work in progress. It’s something like “1001 things to do before I die”. Maybe one of the things I should add to this list is “finish this list”.
- Have a job where I am not just a number
- Swim with the dolphins
- Take the train to Centralia, Washington
- Be in a TV audience
- Do it in every state
- Take dance lessons and learn to dance *properly*
- Go to Oktoberfest
- Sleep in a castle
- Get published
- Grade for my black belt
- Teach (done 9/2009)
- Be an extra in a movie
- Do something amazing for New Year’s
- Sing Karaoke at a Karaoke bar
- Learn to play the guitar
- Drive on the Autobahn
- Be in a talent show
- Stand under a waterfall
- Act in a play
- Be on the set of an adult movie
- See the pyramids
- Visit the Mayan Ruins
- Take lessons on how to drive a racecar
- Hike Half Dome
- Go skinny dipping
- Go wine tasting for a day
- Eat at a 5 star restaurant
- Experience Weightlessness
- Buy new couches (BRAND new!)
- Drive down Highway 1 in a convertible in the summer
- Take public speaking classes
- Get my bachelor’s degree
- Visit the Grand Canyon (6/2009)
- Be the weight on my driver’s license again
- See the Statue of Liberty
- Go to Vegas
- Stand on a baseball field
- Do a half-marathon (walking would work!)
- Watch a sunset in Hawaii
- Take photography classes
- Ride my bike from Santa Cruz to Half Moon Bay (done 6/2009)
- Watch Nicole get married to her best friend
- Go snorkeling in Hawaii
- Go to Mardi Gras
- Fly in a fighter plane
- Visit Dollywood
- Make real contact with a monkey (touch him, play with him, something like that.. I’m not picky)
- Visit NY, NY
- Kayak in the ocean
- Dance in the rain
- Have a pig for a family pet
- Visit a nude beach
- Participate in the Great Tomato Fight in Spain
- See the Aurora Borealis in person
- Walk on a black sand beach
- See a volcano erupting
- Visit the Vatican
- Have a Chef cook me their specialty at a nice restaurant
- Be in a boat with Dolphins swimming by it
- Go to church with the person I love
- Visit Rome
- Visit Athens
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- See the Great Wall of China
- Read the whole Bible (done 1/2009)
- Attend an autopsy
- Fly First Class
- Visit the Bunny Ranch
- Donate 2 gallons of blood
(done 2008)
- Drive a Zamboni
- Read 20 of the Classics (done 8/2009)
- See Stonehenge
- Be a surrogate mother
- Be a marrow donor to someone with Leukemia
- Have a total makeover
- Spend the day at a day spa
- Go on a Honeymoon
- Dive nude off a boat
- Learn to ride a motorcycle
- Ride a mechanical bull
- Do 100 push-ups (in a row)
- See an Opera
- Watch a live sex act
- Go to Venice
- Have breakfast in bed
- Take an Ocean Cruise
- Get out of debt (no credit debt 12/2009!!)
- Have 6 months’ expenses in the bank
- Live with a dog for it’s entire life
- Be the maid of Honor
- Go wading in a public fountain
- Test drive a really expensive sports car
- Build a tree house
- Order room service (done 9/2008)
- Take a photograph that is art, that I can hang on the wall proudly (done 10/2009)
- Stay out all night partying and go to work the next day without having gone home
- Make a road-trip movie on my mac
- Change a stranger’s flat tire.
- Take a cooking class, and learn something
- Buy my own home
- Furnish a room with all new furniture
- Drive a 42 Ford Coupe
- Build a muscle car from the ground up
- Have a threesome
- Organize a treasure hunt
- Go to a thermal hot spring
- Finish a WHOLE scrap book
- Wrap all of my Christmas presents beautifully one year
- Talk to Tim one more time, and apologize. (done 12/2008)
- Go river rafting
- Ride in the back of a Limousine
- Learn to type without looking at the keys
- Visit Amsterdam
- Create a koi pond in my back yard
- Have a huge jetted bathtub and a shower with multiple shower heads in my master bath
- Have a porch swing
- Live by the shore
- See the Monarch Butterfly migration
- Own my own hot tub
- Have French doors in my bedroom that walk out onto a deck
- Ride a jet ski
- Ride a snowmobile
- Lay on the hood of my car and stargaze
- Bathe in an old tub in front of a fire
- Go to a football game
- Make love on a beach
- Live alone for a month (done 7/2009)
- Watch my kids graduate
- Visit Angel Island
- Touch a Glacier (done 7/2007)
- See the giant redwoods
- Ride on a Segway
more to come…
Ones I have already done
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Be part of a jury (2000)
See someone born (3/2002)
See someone die (1/2004)
Go whale watching (7/2007)
Walk across the Golden Gate (1/2008)
Graduate at the top of my class (I was valedictorian!) (7/2007
Visit Mount Rushmore (7/1989)
Visit Alaska (7/2007)
Visit the St Louis Arch (7/1989)
Ride on a Steamboat/ Paddleboat (8/1989)
Save a life (2008)
Get a Ki sign tattoo (2008)
Be baptized (2006)
Tape myself doing it (don’t ask.)
Have my picture in the paper (CERT Award, 2006)
Vote (2000 on)
Get a professional massage (2005)
Do the AIDS walk in SF (2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009)
We read this in Aikido a lot, and I thought I’d share it with some of my non-Aikido folks. Yeah, all 3 of you who read my blog. I have this on my bedroom wall, and I try to read it every day.
ATTITUDE
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes!
-Charles Swindoll
Things you should believe
I Believe…
Just because two people argue,
Doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue,
Doesn’t mean they do love each other.
I Believe…
We don’t have to change friends if
We understand friends change.
I Believe….
No matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt
You every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe…
True friendship continues to grow, even over
The longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe…
You can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
I Believe…
it’s taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.
I Believe…
You should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe…
You can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I Believe…
We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe…
Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe…
Heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done, regardless of consequences.
I Believe…
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe…
My best friend and I can do anything or nothing
And have the best time.
I Believe…
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you
When you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe…
Sometimes when I’m angry, I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe…
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had
And what you’ve learned from them, and less to do
With how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I Believe…
It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others;
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself..
I Believe…
No matter how bad your heart is broken,
The world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I Believe…
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
But we are responsible for whom we become.
I Believe…
You shouldn’t be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I Believe…
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different..
I Believe…
Your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don’t even know you.
I Believe…
Even when you think you have no more to give, when
A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe…
Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe…
The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe…
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of anything.
 This year is the first year I have spent single during the holidays… and it is a bit of a change from my normal “holiday routine”. I still don’t know quite how I feel about it. It’s not as much a matter of pouting around crying about holidays past… it’s more a matter of “OK, we USED to do this thing… but now I can’t do that, so what do I wanna do?” How does a person go about making a WHOLE NEW holiday tradition? I guess you just get out your “things to do in California” book and start doing them, right?
I have decided that I am going to start some new traditions for myself. I would love to visit the snow… I love to play in the snow but I never went in the past because… well… I don’t know why not. Also I’d love to have all my friends over to help me decorate a tree, and everyone has to bring some odd, homemade ornament or something to hang on it.
Any other ideas?
 There's nothing like a warm fire when it's freezing outside... I was sitting at home, alone, watching TV tonight, and I had a sudden craving for yogurt. And, since I have a frozen yogurt place less than a block from me, I threw on my shoes and went for a walk over there to go get me some.
It’s a pretty chilly night tonight (44 according to my iPhone) and as I was walking home, I smelled the smell of a fire in the air and I thought “ohhh, wouldn’t it be so wonderful to have a fire in a fireplace right now?” Then I was reminded of all the years that I had a fireplace and never used it.
As I walked in the cold, I was thinking of all the things I have started doing differently since my life slowed down. I had a microwave, but I gave it away, because I decided that I wanted to slow down and cook things the slow way when I was at home. I have a wonderful gas stove, and I have been using it to cook. I find that I am actually enjoying cooking, and that the food I make tastes better because I slowed down to make it. I make myself tea, and I use my teapot.
If I had a fireplace, I would be using it now… because sometimes slowing down to enjoy things in life is important. If the next place I live has a fireplace, I am going to make sure that I use it, because there is really nothing better than laying in front of a warm fireplace when it’s cold outside… and drinking hot cocoa that I warmed on the stove
 Melodie, Gina, Tom, and Heidi in Santa Barbara A few weeks ago, I realized that it has been 6 months since I told my future-ex-spouse that I wanted a divorce. It has been a roller coaster of emotions (to say the least) and we have come to the conclusion that, while I will always love him and be a friend to him, we just make a horrible couple. That, in itself, was a bitter realization. After all, we were together 18 years, and living without him in my life is very different, to say the least.
I have started to really enjoy living on my own, in my little cottage house. I have a great neighborhood, and I love that I have 2 friends living within walking distance of me. I love that I have got almost all of my furniture through the generosity of my friends and family. And, finally, I am thinking about the D word. That’s right… dating. 
But how does one date in this day and age? Where do you even FIND people to date? I have never dated. I got out of high school and started dating my ex (who I will call “S” to protect his anonymity). So now I have to think about things like dates to Christmas parties for work. I am SO not looking forward to dating, because it is a realm that I just have no idea how to walk into.
Do I find them in singles bars, when I don’t drink? That seems like the WORST place to go. Do I find them in church? Join a singles group? Should I just not be looking, and I will eventually stumble across the perfect person for me? Do I solicit my friends with the “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match” line? Match.com? eHarmony? Singlesnet?
For now, I think I will just enjoy finding me for awhile, and if someone comes along, so be it. I don’t have the heart to look right now. I did date one person briefly after the divorce started and we will just suffice it to say that it ended very poorly, and with me feeling so heartbroken it was everything I could do to get out of bed in the morning. I’d rather not have a repeat performance of that, thankyouverymuch… especially because I lost a very good friend out of it. I do miss her friendship, so very much.
So for now, I think I will enjoy watching “Scrooge” with Albert Finney as I decorate my Christmas tree with my good friends in a few weeks. I will enjoy my time I spend with my daughter when she comes over to visit me. I will enjoy getting to sleep in the middle of the bed, and using the last of the toilet paper, leaving my dirty coffee cup in the sink, and kicking off my shoes where I will surely trip over them when I get up in the morning. I am doing what most people do at 18, when they move out on their own for the first time… I am just doing it 18 years later than my friends did.
But hey… if you happen to know some nice single person who is looking for a date, I have this Christmas party to go to in a few weeks…
 Yeah, I know I have been gone. For a long long time. But hey, I’m still alive!
I’ve been in a funk, and I’ve been trying to find myself. I’ve been picking up big broken pieces of me and gluing me back together. I’ve been growing, and learning, and rebuilding. Sure, I could explain why… but there are people who have access to this site that, honestly, I don’t want them reading the whys. So I will leave them out.
But I am tired of waiting to write here until I am in “a great place” or until I have the time to explain what’s happened. I’m just gonna write, and start today. No more waiting for the right time. Sometimes, the right time is “now”.
Welcome back, me!
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